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Frank Visser, graduated as a psychologist of culture and religion, founded IntegralWorld in 1997. He worked as production manager for various publishing houses and as service manager for various internet companies and lives in Amsterdam. Books: Ken Wilber: Thought as Passion (SUNY, 2003), and The Corona Conspiracy: Combatting Disinformation about the Coronavirus (Kindle, 2020).

Transcend and Insult

How the shootout became a spiritual test

Frank Visser / ChatGPT

After the Great Integral Shootout of 2006, the town of Integral City was in shock.

The sheriff had ridden through town calling people idiots, first-tier fleas, developmental failures, and assorted forms of evolutionary roadkill.

Several citizens were confused.

A few were disturbed.

Some wondered whether the philosopher of radical inclusion had suffered a temporary collision with his own shadow.

For weeks, silence hung over the town.

Then, one morning, a new proclamation appeared.

Sheriff Wyatt Earpy had spoken again.

The announcement read:

"GOOD NEWS.

THE ENTIRE THING WAS A TEST."

The townspeople blinked.

"A test?"

"Yes."

"The insults?"

"A test."

"The threats?"

"A test."

"The profanity?"

"A test."

"The nervous breakdown?"

"A very advanced test."

The citizens looked at one another.

This was impressive.

The sheriff had apparently discovered a revolutionary spiritual technology:

Nothing counted as a mistake anymore.

Everything was pedagogy.

A local skeptic raised his hand.

"Sheriff, are you saying you planned the whole thing?"

"Exactly."

"You intentionally behaved like a man having an emotional meltdown?"

"Correct."

"And people who noticed this failed the test?"

"Now you're getting it."

The crowd applauded.

The skeptic looked worried.

A teacher from the developmental studies department stepped forward.

"I'm confused."

"That's because you're first-tier."

"But if people disliked the rant, that proves they failed?"

"Yes."

"And if people liked the rant?"

"They passed."

"So no matter what happened, your followers were right and your critics were wrong?"

Wyatt smiled.

"Second-tier logic."

The crowd gasped in admiration.

This was far beyond ordinary reasoning.

It was reasoning that could never lose.

Soon seminars were organized.

THE WYATT TEST: A NEW PATH TO ENLIGHTENMENT

Participants were shown increasingly outrageous behavior from the sheriff.

Stage One:

The sheriff insults a critic.

If you object, you fail.

Stage Two:

The sheriff insults ten critics.

If you object, you fail.

Stage Three:

The sheriff rides naked through town firing developmental psychology textbooks into the air.

If you object, you fail.

Stage Four:

The sheriff declares himself the Cosmic Marshal of the Evolutionary Frontier.

If you laugh, you fail.

Graduates received certificates reading:

CONGRATULATIONS

YOU HAVE TRANSCENDED COMMON SENSE

Meanwhile, the critics continued asking awkward questions.

One asked:

"Could it be that the 'test' explanation was invented afterward?"

The room froze.

This was dangerous territory.

Wyatt slowly removed his glasses.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I already anticipated that criticism."

"When?"

"Before the universe began."

The critic scribbled notes.

Another stepped forward.

"Sheriff, if everything was intentional, why did you seem genuinely furious?"

Wyatt smiled knowingly.

"Crazy wisdom."

"And if it wasn't crazy wisdom?"

"Then you don't understand crazy wisdom."

"And how do we know the difference?"

"Exactly."

The followers nodded.

This was profound.

Or at least impossible to falsify.

One enthusiastic devotee stood up.

"I finally understand!"

"Wonderful."

"The rant wasn't a rant."

"Correct."

"The anger wasn't anger."

"Correct."

"The insults weren't insults."

"Correct."

"They were mirrors!"

"YES!"

The audience erupted.

Another follower stood.

"The critics thought they were reading a blog post."

"Yes!"

"But really they were being diagnosed!"

"YES!"

"They thought they were evaluating Integral Theory."

"YES!"

"But Integral Theory was evaluating them!"

"YES!"

The sheriff wiped away a tear.

At last.

Someone understood.

Soon a new doctrine spread throughout Integral City.

The Doctrine of Retroactive Enlightenment.

Under this teaching, any embarrassment could later be revealed as a teaching device.

Bad argument?

Teaching device.

Public tantrum?

Teaching device.

Grandiosity?

Teaching device.

Contradiction?

Teaching device.

Humiliation?

Advanced teaching device.

Humiliation followed by rationalization?

Master-level teaching device.

The doctrine transformed everything.

History itself became immune to criticism.

Every failure could now be upgraded into wisdom after the fact.

A philosopher passing through town paused to observe.

"This seems remarkably convenient."

"Only because you're first-tier."

"How do you know?"

"You criticized it."

The philosopher nodded.

"Ah. We're back to that again."

Years later, scholars would refer to this maneuver as The Great Integral Reversal.

Step One:

Claim superiority.

Step Two:

Attack critics.

Step Three:

Receive backlash.

Step Four:

Announce that the backlash was the real lesson.

It was elegant.

The intellectual equivalent of missing the target and then painting a bullseye around the arrow.

As sunset approached, Wyatt gathered his followers.

"My beloved second-tier citizens," he announced, "today you have learned the deepest secret of spirituality."

"What secret is that?" they asked.

"If I succeed, it proves I'm right."

"Yes!"

"If I fail, it was intentional."

"Yes!"

"If you agree with me, you understand."

"Yes!"

"If you disagree with me, you prove why the test was necessary."

"YES!"

The crowd erupted into ecstatic applause.

A banner unfurled above the town square:

THE ONLY WAY TO FAIL THE TEST

IS TO NOTICE THERE IS NO TEST

Far away, in a dusty saloon called Integral World, the critics watched the celebration.

One finally spoke.

"So the meltdown became a teaching?"

"Apparently."

"And the criticism became evidence?"

"Apparently."

"And the explanation arrived after the event?"

"Apparently."

The room fell silent.

Finally someone raised a glass.

"To Wyatt Earpy."

"To Wyatt Earpy."

"The only sheriff in history who could lose an argument..."

"...and call it a consciousness assessment."

The glasses clinked.

Outside, AQAL quietly applied for retirement.