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Ryan Nakade has been a student of Integral theory for the last ten years, and has been in the rap game for the last fifteen. He currently co-hosts the Growing Down Podcast with Jeremy Johnson and Matt Hudkins, which attempts to unify Integral theory with progressive and leftist politics. He currently lives in Gresham, OR, with his girlfriend and goat herd. He is host of Integral Campus: Leading-Edge Learning for Citizens in an Evolving World

Epic Rap Battle
of Integral

Ken Wilber takes on Frank Visser in
the very first Epic Rap Battle of Integral

Ryan Nakade

(Visser)

I’m the vicious Frank Visser,

Ain’t no Wilber ass kisser,

I’m an actual, factual, rational ripper

Just retire Ken, your shit gotta stop,

Is this integral life, or a new age crystal shop,

Step back baldy, i’m the real scientist,

Not some pseudo-scientific shit on cosmic consciousness,

So hide in your loft with a navel gazing Koan,

I’m about to rip you a new ass-holon

Return to your foo foo Buddhist Tantra Yoga,

You’re amber - your witness is Jehovah

Now that I’m done thoroughly kicking your ass,

I’ll put you back in your place - 5th grade science class

(Wilber)

I’m the greatest mind mankind has ever seen,

Battling some chump who’s not even at Green,

Unscientific, well that’s a weak diss,

Who told you you could fuck with the Einstein of consciousness,

This is the Ken show,

Permanent state of Kensho,

Sitting in my zendo,

Watch my bicep flex-flow

More depth and span than you’ll ever see,

The only book you ever wrote was about me,

You’re jealous of my status, you’re hardly a rival,

I’m evolution’s apex, you’re at the bottom of the spiral,

Won’t waste my time Frankie, you’re five stages below me,

I did tell my students suck my dick - so blow me

(Visser)

Your supposed science is just magical voodoo,

The best book you wrote was a brief history of woo woo,

You formed a cult that was full of abusive gurus,

Don’t wanna talk about all the scandals done, do you?

There’s an error in eros and a gap in agape,

It’s a cold hearted universe and your crap can’t grok it,

You don’t understand these complex physical forces,

Your big three are all divorces,

I’m the voice of reason, you’re old and your soft,

Living all alone jerking off in your loft,

You’re full of shit Wilber, eros makes no sense to me,

You’re time’s up, disintegrate into entropy

(Wilber)

Don’t lecture me on entropy you clueless clown,

The cosmos is winding up, but you’re winding down,

I’m the greatest mind pound for pound,

And I pound down flatlanders’ faces right into the ground,

I’m a mystic, your insistence on statistics is a sickness,

Your reductionistic physics is materialistic,

I know that panpsychism is true,

Because a rock has more consciousness than you,

So take this spanking Frankie, you’re not worth my payday,

I’m stopping you cold like I’m stopping my brainwaves,

So fuck your second law, quartered in my quadrivium,

Cause this rap battle has been far from equilibrium.